I have not been on my website in a while, to be honest. Since like, May. But here I am and I want to write, so I'm gonna tell you about what's going on in my life.
Today was my first day of art school, although I only had one class. I have to say, I'm quite surprised with how ready I feel to be a university student. Throughout all of my highschool years, I was so anxious about it, about having to figure out the future, decide what to do and where to go, and learning to fit in to a completely new environment (not that I ever really fit in, to be honest). Yesterday was a sort of orientation day, just meeting people and wandering around, and I was a little terrified, being by myself for a while and trying to figure out what to do. But then I met my friend, and it was easier. But today, I felt way less terrified, in fact, I felt kinda at home, like it's where I belong.
Everything about art school makes me so happy, and I am ecstatic to be there, though I am too quiet and shy to show it on the outside. But I honestly couldn't dream of a better place to get my post-secondary education. All of the facilities are wonderful, and I get to stay in my home city, in my parents' house, so I don't have the stress of being alone in a completely new place.
Like, yes, it is school, and I have to do work, but this doesn't feel like school has ever felt to me. To be fair, I haven't been to all of my classes yet, and the art histroy courses have the potential to be boring, but still, it's history that I am actually interested in learning, because it is going to help me understand art more deeply, and know where all the aspects of it come from. But whatever. What else do I wanna write about? Ummmm, let's keep this on the theme of the change to university because this is my blog not my journal and it should make some sense.
I don't know how I can feel so grown-up and so not-ready at once. I'm not even 18 yet, but I feel like an adult, going to university and starting this new, more independent chapter of my life, where I have more agency and space to make my own choices. Which means I get to do what I want, but I also have to be responsible for myself, know where I have to be and what I have to do, figure things out on my own even if it's scary. At least I am fortunate enough to already have a new friend to go through this with (Hi Claire, if you happen to be reading this for some reason!).
On one hand, I wish that I had more familiar people around me, because it would make it less scary, but on the other hand, I am glad that I am being forced to make new connections, since I don't have any of my old friends to fall back on anymore. If you read my last blog post, from May, um, yeah, that didn't end well. But I suppose I lost all of my friends at the right time, because they weren't good to me anyway, and now I won't be stuck on any old relationships while i go through this huge change of growing up and becoming an adult. I still have my girlfriend, though, which is awesome, and I love her for being so supportive of me even though she's not yet at the same point in her life. But I think that's okay, because now I'm going to learn things that I can pass on to her or use to support her when she does get to university.
Anyway, I think that is all I have to say for right now... Well, I have more to say but that's for my diary, not here. Or maybe I'll just make it into a separate blog post. Or maybe both. I dunno. I want to write more, so I'll find something else to write about soon. Bye for now :)